Love, Autumn

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Tue, 18 Dec 2012 14:26:16 -0800

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Tue, 18 Dec 2012 14:24:39 -0800

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Sun, 16 Dec 2012 10:50:54 -0800

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Fri, 14 Dec 2012 21:17:52 -0800

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Fri, 14 Dec 2012 21:13:10 -0800

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Fri, 14 Dec 2012 20:58:42 -0800

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Fri, 14 Dec 2012 20:43:40 -0800

I’m so bad at love. I keep thinking he doesn’t love me. I keep thinking that he would...

Fri, 14 Dec 2012 19:12:51 -0800

I’m so bad at love. I keep thinking he doesn’t love me. I keep thinking that he would rather be with her, but the sad truth? I think he would rather spend his time with her than me. I keep having the dreams where I cheat on him. Is it my guilt or do I just not trust myself not to cheat on him? What I would give to see hid face right now. I miss him so much. I just want to spend every second with him, which I think kinda freaks him out. I wish I wasnt so attached to him, then if he did cheat on me it would be easy to let go. Because I never had anything to hold onto. When will he get tired f me and leave me? When will he realize what a mess I am and move on. When will I realize that the yin doesnt fit anymore.

does he really love me? does he really wanna spend his life with me? if its true then why do I constantly feel as though I am not good enough. I need something to take my mind off him. because I’m going crazy contemplating the things he could be doing.

he wants to do what he wants? well then I guess he doesnt want me.

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Fri, 30 Nov 2012 23:19:04 -0800

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Fri, 30 Nov 2012 08:00:31 -0800

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Thu, 29 Nov 2012 23:33:02 -0800

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Thu, 29 Nov 2012 23:20:07 -0800

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Thu, 29 Nov 2012 23:17:37 -0800

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Thu, 29 Nov 2012 23:16:51 -0800

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Thu, 29 Nov 2012 23:15:11 -0800

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Thu, 29 Nov 2012 23:13:07 -0800

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Wed, 28 Nov 2012 23:07:11 -0800

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Wed, 28 Nov 2012 23:06:34 -0800

yes.

Wed, 28 Nov 2012 23:02:44 -0800

yes.

Fuck this life. Fuck this place. I try so hard, and I seem to fail. I’m can’t fathom...

Wed, 28 Nov 2012 23:00:28 -0800

Fuck this life. Fuck this place. I try so hard, and I seem to fail. I’m can’t fathom failure. I cannot imagine my life going to waste. It scares me so much, but how am I to succeed without failing? You cannot win unless you learn to lose. What if I’m not capable of completely loving someone?

I get up every morning and it seems pointless. Why is it I do this monotonous routine each day. I must force myself to get out of bed. I dread preparing for school, even though I am expected to be happy. I want a reason to breathe. To show up. To love. To live. But I’m so scarred of being hurt I won’t open up, especially if she’s important to me..

I can’t stand to see you with someone else. Is that selfish? Maybe, or maybe its fear. Fear that you won’t love me, that you’ll love someone better. You won’t need me and my life would fall apart.

I found this in my drafts, for some reason I never posted it. What’s ironic? I did find someone. I did find a reason to love and live. He’s the reason I get up in the morning, he makes me happy. And guess what, I can love someone. Its still scary, but I find every second worth the pain I may face if I do get hurt. Fuck it.